It was November 15, 2013. I sat in my hallway on the floor. Tears were flooding down my eyes. Like all mornings, I weighed myself – 325 pounds. I’m only 4’11”, and none of that was muscle. For years, all of the “sad” feelings I felt were hidden with food. Watching my mother die at 6, being molested as a child with no one to protect me, and moving from home to home with no true stability until I was in High School. Life just sucked. I dealt with it …. By eating.
It was never uncommon to go through a fast food lane and order a ridiculous amount of food. I pretended at the window that I was talking on the phone to my son or daughter – in an attempt to justify the need for all of the food. The problem with that – I had no children. The food was all for me. I would pull into an empty parking spot and eat away. Food was my friend. When everything else in life seemed to vanish and walk away, food was faithful.
So on November 15th 2013 I had enough. I got up from the hallway, went to my bedroom and grabbed my Smith & Wesson 9mm gun. I could see that there was a bullet in the chamber. I resolved that the only way to end this misery was death. I was serving no purpose. I was bringing no joy to my life or the life of others. I was impossible to love. I decided it was my time to die. On the count of three I was pulling the trigger, and that’s what I did. I said out loud, “1 …. 2 ….3,” I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. I opened my eyes … I was still here. I looked at my gun …. The safety was still on.
I had another chance, so I took it. I decided that no longer would I feel THIS DEFEATED. No longer would I be the person who looked so happy on the outside but was miserably crying inside. ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH!!! I got up, I bought some tennis shoes and went to my local gym.
I accidentally came across Ashley’s information and became intrigued. Here she was; a fit, healthy mom who was inspiring women to stop looking at the scale and value yourself as an individual. I wanted to do one of her workouts so bad. I was too big, there was no way. I kept plucking away and eventually I said, “I’m doing it.”
I purchased her Becoming Extraordinary workout and completed all 12 weeks. I never missed a day. She recently accepted me in her Horner Elite training program and I’m receiving even more help.
Today … a year later, I’m 244 pounds. I’m not done. I’m not where I need to be. I’m supposed to be dead. I’m supposed to not be breathing. I’m supposed to be buried in a cemetery somewhere …. But I’m alive. I praise God first for saving me and giving me everlasting life with him through my salvation. I thank Ashley second for not overlooking someone that just wanted help.
No story should go unnoticed. My story is one of survival, comeback and recovery. I’m not stopping. I refuse to be defeated. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am true to who I am. I am a wonderful person. Because of who and what I am, I can also say that I’m an #Ashlete.
– Stephanie Hudson